There's no fighting left
I’m sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door”
“I Look to You,” by Whitney Houston (From the album “I Look to You,” released August, 2009)
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I started being fascinated with the twin topics of death and dying sometime during my teen years. What must it be like? What does one experience? What are the most common regrets people have? Questions like these began to intrigue me at some point. As I look back, I can’t recall why I developed a fascination many – perhaps including you, the reader – may perceive as macabre, but I do know my initial curiosity has stuck with me ever since, evolving into strong interests in philosophy, psychology and faith over time.
My initial interest in the "two Ds" (death and dying) led me – primarily through self-study, and also via required reading at university – to several books on the topics. The first of these was Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ seminal work on the subject, “On Death and Dying.” I never got around to reading the book in full, but by reading summaries of it, as well as excerpts in other psychology books, I got a fairly good overview, as well as a deeper appreciation for the two topics. I still find it quite interesting that she was brave enough to write a whole book about both topics – subjects people typically shy away from discussing – as far back as 1969. I doff my heart to her!
Notable books that deal with the two Ds – directly or tangentially – and which I have read cover to cover include: Viktor Frankl’s masterpiece “Man's Search for Meaning”; John Izzo’s brilliant “The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die”; Mitch Albom’s delightful “Tuesdays with Morrie”; and M. Scott Peck’s thought-provoking “Further Along the Road Less Traveled.” These are all great books, classics in their own rights. However, none of them – to the best of my knowledge/recollection – gives an idea of what people typically experience at the point of death; they provide information about what happens leading up to death, and also about what happens after death, but they are largely silent on the few seconds in between.
An unlikely fellow gave a hint of the nature of the experience within those few seconds – Steve Jobs. In an article released shortly after his death, he was reported to have said something along the lines of “Wow. Wow. Wow” just before he “gave up the ghost” (even the metaphors we use to describe these events are interesting). A man that had spent a major part of his adult life “wowing” others had been “wowed,” and the experience had been so intense he could not help but verbalise it. What “wowed” him? What had he experienced?
Another unlikely person gave an idea of what Steve may have experienced, but I only saw it after she had also passed away. Some have speculated that Whitney Houston used one of her songs ("I Look to You") to tell the whole world, in plain English, that she was close to rock bottom. I do not know if that is true, but I do sense that only someone who had come to viscerally appreciate their own sense of mortality, could have chosen to sing these words, and sing them with such raw emotion:
“And every road that I've taken
Led to my regret
And I don't know if I'm going to make it
Nothing to do but lift my head”
The lines that describe the seconds leading up to death may be particularly striking for those with artistic leanings and/or a strong appreciation for metaphor:
There's no fighting left
I’m sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door”
Searching for an open door. Sinking. Giving up the fight. The imagery that comes to my mind is of someone falling upwards in water (if that makes any sense), and hoping to find a source of light when they eventually come up for air. Played over a simple piano tune, her words stand out. The picture she paints (in my mind) is beautiful in its realisation of mortality, as well as in its surrender.
As neither Steve nor Whitney is around today, we are unlikely to ever know what each experienced at their point of death. We can also only hazard a guess about what Fatai “Rolling Dollar” Olagunju, a popular Nigerian musician who died earlier today, experienced when he passed away.
Part of me would really like to know, out of curiosity. But my curiosity is tempered by the belief that what one experiences over a lifetime is significantly more important that what one experiences in one's final seconds. And I need not speculate regarding what Rolling Dollar, Whitney, and Steve experienced and accomplished while they were around, flaws and imperfections notwithstanding. They touched our lives with the things they created. They stood up to be counted.
In memory of Fatai “Rolling Dollar” Olagunju (and Whitney Houston and Steve Jobs).
PS. For those that have not heard the song "I Look to You," find below the video (from YouTube):
